The Power of Empathy: Lessons from Abraham Lincoln and Dale Carnegie

What i learned reading "How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie"

Introduction:
On the morning of April 15, 1865, Abraham Lincoln lay dying in a hall bedroom of a cheap lodging house directly across the street from Ford’s Theatre, where John Wilkes Booth had shot him. Lincoln’s long body lay stretched diagonally across a sagging bed that was too short for him. A cheap reproduction of Rosa Bonheur’s famous painting The Horse Fair hung above the bed, and a dismal gas jet flickered yellow light. As Lincoln lay dying, Secretary of War Stanton said, ‘There lies the most perfect ruler of men that the world has ever seen.’

Personal Introduction:
Hello, I'm Dr. Ejiroghene Edo-olotu, a Medical Doctor, Tech Enthusiast, and Future Visionary. Recently, I read the book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie, and it profoundly impacted my perspective on human interactions and personal growth.

The Book that Changed Lives:
In our daily lives, there is much to gain from practicing tried and tested principles of being sociable and gaining respect and influence. Carnegie's timeless wisdom has been highly recommended for the past 50 years, and its pages are filled with applicable wisdom for our time.

Futility of Criticizing People:
Today, I want to discuss the futility of criticizing people and how removing this habit can benefit us all. People hardly accept fault or the role they played in their difficulties. Even the common man who made a mistake finds it difficult to take ownership.

Lesson from John Wanamaker:
John Wanamaker, founder of the American stores that bear his name, once confessed: ‘I learned thirty years ago that it is foolish to scold. I have enough trouble overcoming my own limitations without fretting over the fact that God has not seen fit to distribute evenly the gift of intelligence.’

The Resentment from Criticism:
Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes them strive to justify themselves. It wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts their sense of importance, and arouses resentment.

Insight from Hans Selye:
As much as people thirst for approval, we all dread condemnation. The resentment generated from receiving criticism is demoralizing, affecting friends, family members, and employees. People don't feel inspired to change when they are demoralized.

Lesson from Abraham Lincoln:
Even after Lincoln became a lawyer in Springfield, Illinois, he attacked his opponents openly in letters published in the newspapers. However, he did this once too often, and it led to a duel. From that incident, he learned an invaluable lesson in the art of dealing with people. Never again did he write an insulting letter or ridicule anyone.

The Path to Better Relationships: We can all agree that people can be aggravating, but criticizing a person tends to achieve the opposite outcome as they become defensive and demoralized. Instead, let's focus on improving ourselves, imagining things from their perspectives, and practicing empathy.

The Wisdom of Benjamin Franklin:
Benjamin Franklin, once tactless in his youth, became so diplomatic and adroit at handling people that he was made American Ambassador to France. The secret of his success? ‘I will speak ill of no man,’ he said, ‘. . . and speak all the good I know of everybody.’

Conclusion:
As Dr. Johnson said: God himself does not propose to judge man until the end of his days. Why should you and I? All things considered, both people and situations are unique, so this approach might not always work in all circumstances, but it gives us all an option in dealing with people. This book 
has changed my life, and there are many more valuable lessons I'll be sharing in future newsletters.

Stay tuned for more insights on ejirosinsights.substack.com, where we embrace empathy and self-improvement to foster better relationships and success in our modern age.

#Empathy #SelfImprovement #Success